Seven Weeks....

Today is one of those wonderful Sunday mornings in the Stout household after one of us has been out all night. Bailee is sick, and she is so extremely whiney. I feel so sorry for the poor child because she has exactly what I just got over, but she is throwing up with it too. It has been terrible. She got sick yesterday afternoon when we went to eat at Applebees. So embarrassing when you can hear the table next to you say, "Did that little girl get chocked or did she just throw up everywhere?" I wanted to be like, "Lady, please just mind your own business?"

On another note, we went to see Dr. McCauley, my OB, last Friday for my six week (actually more like seven week) check-up and he asked me what kind of contraceptive method Jeremy and I were wanting to take. I am pretty sure that I have (just trying to convince Jeremy that this is a good idea too) decided that I want another baby pretty soon. I have definitely put a lot of thought into it and I feel like it is what we need to do to keep our family thriving. I did not want a big gap between my children and "our plan" was two years. Quickly I have realized that it is not "our plan" at all, it is God's plan. He is ultimately the one totally in control and I respect that, but I would prefer not to have an even bigger gap, so therefore I want to start trying in July. McCauley suggested that I wait at least six months which would be September, but I want another April baby if possible and we all know how well I listen, so its looking like July. Like I said before, I realize now that I am not in control, so I will just put this whole baby thing in God's hands and hope and pray for the best. I realize that Brodee has only been gone seven weeks tomorrow, but I feel like two months, six months or even two years is not going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things because I will never be over the death of my child. It is something that I will carry around with me forever and ever and no amount of time will EVER heal my pain. I believe it is just something that I am going to have to learn to live with and time will hopefully teach me how to do that.